Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
