Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
