Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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