Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize