Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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