That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
