i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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