Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
