Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
