Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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