I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Operation Purity has been aborted
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He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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