There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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