I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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