we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
