i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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