I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
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I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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