p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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