"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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