you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
