I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
