i was born a porn star she said
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
