he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
