He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
