I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
