worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
