Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
