i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do vagina's smell?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
