Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
