I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
