you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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