I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
