the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
