Whod you bang
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
where are you?
Hypothermia
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
