Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
