ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she peed on how many people?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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