i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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