yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
