How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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