i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
