Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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