oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
