Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize