Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
