i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
