my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
What a dumb baby whore.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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