i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So much Jack, so little girl.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
