i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
