She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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