...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
