i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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