My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...