Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
