went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it