I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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