She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
