these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
