Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
