i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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