dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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