Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
