a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
