maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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