I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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