I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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