The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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