I faked an abortion last night.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
