There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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