i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
