The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have tasted many bathrooms
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
