He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
