i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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