no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
