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I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is it because I queefed?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
