Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
